No birthday celebration please

On Father’s Day, Renaisha curiously asked me, mommy why don’t you get to live with your mommy, my nani? Such an innocent question! I told her that once you grow up, you get married and build your own family and that daddy too does not live with his mommy and daddy.

Little did I know that my little princess will suddenly burst into tears 🙁 I get worried thinking that she is so emotional. She said she never wants to grow up and wants to be with her mommy and daddy forever. How sweet, right? She made us all cry that day and I suddenly got into thinking about her vidai, about her growing up into a beautiful princess fast and actually getting married with her Prince Charming…

It was a snap shot realization of what each and every parent feel parting away from their princesses (and princes too in today’s age!). Can’t imagine the mixed feelings going through their minds and the emptiness that day would bring into their lives. Will miss her saying “mommy” thousand times a day. The house seems so lonely when she goes to school, don’t want to think how it will be when she grows up… Copying an excellently written poem on this topic which says it all (received via whatsapp):

बिखरे काग़ज़ पे कूंचियां, कलर ट्यूब
अच्छे लगते हैं मुझे
कहते हैं यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने खयालों को अपने कुछ रंगो से भरा है

चादर की सिलवटों पे औंधे पड़े तकिये
अच्छे लगते हैं मुझे
कहते हैं यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने रात को अपने कुछ ख़्वाबों से छुआ है

बेतरतीब रखी किताबों से झाँकते बुकमार्क
अच्छे लगते हैं मुझे
कहते है यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने दुनिया को अपने कुछ सवालों से टटोला है

पसीने से भीगे कपड़े , गर्द मे लिपटे जूते
अच्छे लगते हैं मुझे
कहते है यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने माटी को अपने कुछ खेलों से छुआ है

दिवार से टिका गिटार, कोने में रखा पयानो
अच्छे लगते हैं मुझे
कहते हैं यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने हवा को अपने कुछ सुरों से सुना है

छेदों से भरे यहाँ वहाँ से झाँकते टारगेट पेपर
अच्छे लगते हैं मुझे
कहते हैं यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों नें ध्यान से अपने कुछ लक्ष्यों को भेदा है

मर्तबान के अधखुले ढक्कन , झूठे बर्तन
अच्छे लगते हैं मुझे
कहते हैं यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने भूख को अपने कुछ स्वाद से चखा है

बिखरा घर, खुल-बंद  का शोर करते  दरवाज़े
अच्छे लगते है मुझे
कहते है यह मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने जीवन को अपने कुछ अंदाज से जिया है

एक दिन न शोर होगा न फैला सामान होगा
अच्छा लगेगा मुझे तब भी
कहेगा मौन घर तब मुझसे
मेरे बच्चों ने आसमां को अपने कुछ हौसलों की परवाज़ से चूमा है

समेट लूँगी यह सामान घर की ख़ामोशी में
सजा दूँगी दिवारों को यादों से
पर तब तक यूँ ही उथल पथल सी रहने दो
मेरे बच्चों का बचपन यूँ फैला सा अच्छा लगता है मुझे

I know that once she grows up, she won’t be able to stay away from the so called sweet “shaadi-ka-laddoo”!

As of now she does not want to celebrate her 5th birthday next month because she does not like growing up for this reason.  Did try telling her that she does not have to marry when she grows up, its not a rule! And that she has to stay with us forever but she didn’t buy it, phew! I have to re-write the story I told her in my mind, tell her a new story, need to fix this somehow before her 5th birthday.

What a classic example of a parent screwing up by attempting an on the spot answer to their sensitive at heart toddler’s question! Going forward, before I answer my cheerful smiling little princess Renaisha’s questions, I have to remind myself to think through about those answers from her view point.

Tomorrow is June 28th and it is the 4th death anniversary of my mother-in-law, one of strongest woman I have known, a true leader and I see a lot of her in Renaisha, their personalities are so much alike. Thinking about tomorrow makes me really nervous, I do not like the date which took away Renaisha and Reyansh’s dadi away from us, the day on which we (Renaisha’s nani-nanu, mommy & her) also met with a bad accident and also the day Reyansh fell down with a tear like fracture on his head, he still had to be hospitalized. Yes all of this has happened on June 28th and though I am not a superstitious person, even my rational thoughts have this fear deep down inside my brain that something is definitely wrong with this date 🙁

I hope that my mother-in-law’s soul has rested in peace. We remember her a lot in our thoughts and our lives would have been a lot different (better) with her around. It is still shocking to believe how she left us all so suddenly. She did take care of herself, “bas jo, hakla karu chhu diku”, she used to say, at 8am in the morning while sitting on her favorite hichko at the Nehrupark home in Junagadh. I wish she was still here, really do….

Yes now I am getting all emotional, so I should stop writing here. No wonder Renaisha is super emotional too!